A Bengals Fans Guide to A New Team Next Year

The Bengals 2018 is already headed in the wrong direction long before it has even started. Marvin Lewis has been hired back as head coach for the next 2 seasons. Now, this is where “Real Bengals Fans,” will get bent outta shape, its time to stop supporting an organization and an owner who does not give a shit about how you feel or what you think. Mike Brown doesn’t care about your feelings, whats best for the team or the city of Cincinnati. So now is the time to find another team to watch, that values your support while we wait for Marvin to leave or Mike to step down.

1.) New England Patriots

  • But Adam why not The Bills?! They donated! and with the wings! and the Mafia! They also had a 17 year playoff drought, a bad quarterback, and a first round playoff loss as of yesterday. Why would you want to root for a worse version of The Bengals? Take a few seasons off to unwind and root for a team that wont disappoint you. So let me ask you, do you like Superbowls? How about the cool crisp taste of a Boston Lager? What about Mark Wahlberg? If you have answered yes to any of these questions the Patriots may be for you! There is nothing bad about the Patriots they are winners and have created a Dynasty that rivals any in the history of the NFL. Their fan base is loud, passionate, and cocky about their team being the Superbowl favorites year after year. Do yourself a favor, buy a Tom Brady Jersey, crack open a Sam Adams and relax for a couple seasons while they rack up 2 more Superbowls.

2.) Green Bay Packers

  • Tired of Mike Brown giving you the proverbial finger? Have you always wanted to be an NFL owner? Then The Green Bay Packers are your new team! The Packers are the only NFL team that is a publicly owned “non-profit” organization. What better way to tell your fans you care about them then by selling shares. The Packers have a winning history and are in good hands with Head Coach Mike McCarthy. The Packers will soon be back to the big game with Aaron Rodgers at the wheel so go grab a “GO PACK” T-Shirt, an order of Cheese Curds, and a tasty Busch Light while watching The Rodgers drop bombs.

3.) Minnesota Vikings

  • Did you want Mike Zimmer as head coach during the Lewis Era? Well now your dream can come true you can have Mike Zimmer as your head coach during the never-ending Lewis Era! The Vikings are second behind the Patriots in odds to win the superbowl this year and for good reason. They are stacked. A defense that can match up with any team in the NFL and and offense that has found a way to win the big games. With wins against the Falcons, Rams, and Bills on their resume they are built to make a run for the Title. With a brand new stadium and a fanbase as loyal and unique as any it could be your turn to jump onboard and be screaming SKOL til your head explodes

4.) Seattle Seahawks

  • Love Craft Brews? Do you have a beard and have an affinity for flannel and thick rimmed glasses? Season Ticket holder for FC Cincinnati? Congrats bro you are pretty hip and destined to be part of the 12th man to root for the Seattle Seahawks. Now this road doesn’t have the flair that the previous choices do, this team is headed into rebuilding mode for the next couple of seasons, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. The owner is right hand man to Bill Gates and he goes treasure hunting for a hobby so money is not an issue. With money being of no object you will soon forget about the cheapest owner in the business here in Cincinnati. The Seahawks will land on their feet and will soon be back to winning. So load that vape up with your favorite juice sit back and blow sick clouds while rooting for the hippest team in the NFL.

No matter what team best suits your personality its better than going insane thinking things are going to change in Cincinnati with Mike and Marvin still around. While you guys are on a team vacation we here at Cincinnati vs. Everyone will keep you updated on the orange and black dumpster fire.


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