Tom Brady Should Be Arrested

You want to watch hockey so you have to lock lips with your dad? Those two things don’t go together, Tom Brady.

“What are you gonna do for me?”

This is super uncomfortable. No way around it, you can love your kids but locking lips for that long is creepy as fuck. If you want to do that fine, don’t put it in the show for America to see. That’s a long kiss, I don’t kiss my girlfriend that long when I won’t see her for a week. Humblebrag by me having a girlfriend.

I don’t have a kid so who knows what you feel like when you have a kid but I don’t think I’d lock lips with my 11-year-old. Kids are inherently disgusting, they’re all patient zeroes, the downfall of civilization will come from kids putting gutter water in their mouth and then licking a door handle at a public restroom and proceeding to cough in your open mouth. Don’t even let a kid breathe on you if you have a kid and you don’t wear a germ mask around you’re living your life wrong. They spend 7 hours a day in a cesspool of germs with other patient zeroes. And then you want to hug them and kiss them.

Tom Brady should be arrested for creeping out America. It’s not a crime what he did and we’re in no way suggesting this was overly sexual in any way. It’s just kissing on the lips and it’s weird. Like weird ass Tom Crean kissing his adult son on the lips, this is equally weird as fuck thanks to the length of the kiss.

What is with these high profile Patriots personnel kissing their kids? Bill Belichick did the same damn thing last time they won a Super Bowl and he planted a big one on his daughter. That was creepy too.

Maybe I’m not an affectionate person. Maybe I’m the crazy one in this whole thing. But don’t lock lips with your kids like they’re your spouse. That’s creepy.

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mniehaus

Owner/creator of CincinnativsEveryone.com. Cincinnati grad, have a complaint complain to me.

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