Made up holidays and “National whatever Day” are for the birds. Unless it’s Mother’s Day you have to celebrate that, everything else though is pointless. However when a day rolls around that celebrates your city you should celebrate accordingly. May 13th will allays be 513 Day in Cincinnati. So how should you have celebrated?
- Burn a Xavier flag while flying a Cincinnati flag. It’s only right. You don’t fly a British Union Jack on the Fourth of July, you fly the American flag dammit. Respect.
- WCPO will tell you to eat Skyline or Goldstar. You should do that and at least once every week for eternity. Or until your body can’t handle it anymore. That’s a shit joke. Literally.
- Skip eating Graeter’s it’s over priced and has more sugar in it than a fat kid named Chucky on a four day cake bender.
- Put down some ribs at Montgomery Inn because that’s what our forefathers would have wanted.
- Drink Cincinnati Beer, Rhinegeist, Mad Tree, Rivertown, whatever your choice is it’s ok to tie a Homer Simpson amount off today.
- Blare some Bootsy Collins just for the sake of it.
- Watch the Reds BECAUSE THEY’RE ACTUALLY GOOD THIS SEASON. Don’t believe the #FakeNews.
- Ignore the Bengals. Life is too short to think about the Bengals in May.
- Walk around downtown. It’s actually really safe and you’ll probably see something really cool.
- Avoid the streetcar. Real Cincinnatians hate the streetcar.
- If you spit on Paul Brown Stadium that would actually make you the most Cincinnati Cincinnatian in history.
- Talk a little shit about Kentucky.
- Tweet a picture of the skyline with the #513Day
- Set your reminder for next your so you don’t forget.
- Call someone a “slut” because that’s what people from Cincinnati do. If you never watched scrubs you’re living an unfulfilling life.
- Also remember that a Bengals fan pissed on a Steelers fan’s head during that infamous playoff game. #CincinnatiStrong
- At least we aren’t Cleveland.
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